This May Not Be For You

If you think barfing stories are funny, read on. If not, then you should probably move on with your blog stalk.

I'm on my way to work today and exactly 1 1/4 miles away from my exit when, uh oh, I don't feel so good. My mouth started filling with saliva and I kept thinking, breathe, breathe, you'll make it to the exit. I made it to the exit, but didn't quite make it out of the car, or even close to out of the car.

I put my hand over my mouth, which now I realize was stupid because one hand can't catch much of anything when it's in a bodily fluid form. I was wearing sunglasses and somehow, I had my hand at the exact right angle to target the stuff right up into the spot between your face and the sunglasses. Yep, all over my face. ALL. OVER. In my eyes and everything. If that is not disgusting enough, it kept coming and got all over my pants, the steering wheel, the carpet, the stick shift, and even some splatters on the windshield and side window.

I was in complete shock. When I realized what had happened I panicked because in less than one hour I had a VERY important meeting, with VERY important people, which I had requested and planned and was supposed to facilitate and now I was completely covered in my breakfast and maybe some of dinner from the night before. Don't know, I couldn't really tell.

I started to head home to change and I was freaking out because I knew I didn't have time to change, clean the car, and get to my meeting in time. My mom came to the rescue and met me at home while I changed and she took me back to work. Yes, the car had to sit for several hours in this condition. I HAD NO CHOICE! And I did make it back in time for my meeting.

I was so mad because I actually got ready today and was wearing brand new maternity jeans that actually didn't look ridiculous on me. The jeans are now soaking in my tub while I am at work. Sick, I don't want to face it when I get home.

There is a silver lining to this story though. This afternoon I was able to take my car into Supersonic to get it shampooed and everything. Which by the way, super embarassing when you're like, "Um, can you clean these seats really well because someone puked on them." I didn't really feel bad for the guy when I got the bill though. Sheesh. (Praying Seth doesn't ask how much it cost) We had an accident with some jam about a year ago (I know, what's wrong with us??) but it got all hard and crusty and I could never get it out. A big thanks to Supersonic, who I really consider Super, got it out. AND they got out all of the grease marks from everytime Seth has put his bike in the back seat. Our car looks like NEW on the inside. Still can't say much for the outside though. Man, that car has issues. Or more like, WE have issues.

The only comparable vomit story I have for this is what my family affectionately calls, The Barf Slide. The title might be self explanatory, but I'll give a short explanation as this is a very long post. Taylor was sick one night and got up to go to the bathroom, she was about to enter the hall when she lost it. It kept coming so she had to get to the bathroom, she stepped into the hall which is hardwood and BAM! slipped and landed right in her own barf. The BAM! and the cry that came out of her after woke up everyone in the house.

Hopefully those who kept reading this far have a strong gag reflex and were able to finish! Sorry!

This is Seth

Seth just said, you should blog about me. He's definitely neglected on this thing. Here are some facts about Seth.

1. Seth likes donuts.
2. Seth would DIE without BYU football.
3. Seth played rugby for BYU during his undergrad years.
4. Ever heard of DanceSport? Probably not, but it's huge at BYU. (I know, dorks.) Seth won 1st place with his partner in the Two Step competition. He wore a western shirt with tassles.
5. Seth tried out for Cougarettes, but decided it was rude since there were girls who were taking it very seriously. He faked a pulled hammie.
6. Seth worked as a Chemical Engineer at ExxonMobil in Houston, TX for a year after his undergrad.
7. He got caught writing notes to another employee at a meeting. He got in trouble. :)
8. Seth likes cereal and goes crazy when it's on sale. We probably have 11 boxes of cereal on top of our fridge right now.
9. He has made me the favorite in my family.
10. He has a rockin bod. When our friend Amy P wanted me to go out with him she talked about him like this, "He has the body of a Greek god." Ok, Ok, I'll go out with him. Geez.
11. He's funny and thinks it's his job to make me funnier.
12. He's a fun uncle and sometimes teaches his nephew a few bad things like how to light paper on fire and then throw it in the backyard. My SIL and BIL have said they will get him back one day. Great.
13. He says he purposely tries to lay low at church to avoid high profile callings.
14. He can do really good accents. But don't worry, he doesn't do it so much that it's annoying. 15. He's BFF is Jerry Mullholland. He lives in Seattle, they talk everyday. So cute.
16. When Seth moved to Belgium (4th grade), the first kid he met at school asked, "Do you like to kill girls?" with a british/australian accent. Seth didn't know what to say so he said, "Yeah." The boy responded with his hand extended for a hand shake, "Right mate, you're wif us."
17. He loves to dance and has some good moves. Dancing at our wedding was one of the most entertaining things I've seen in my life.
18. He likes pillow talk and always wants to talk about "Hopes and Dreams"
19. He plans all our vacations and is super good at it.
20. He LOVES vacations.
21. His goal in life is to be filthy rich and not have to work. (Any suggestions?)
22. Seth is very easy going and doesn't take anything too seriously. Except Hopes and Dreams. 23. Seth is very, very humble. VERY.
24. Despite him avoiding callings, he has a huge knowledge and testimony of the gospel. I've gotta step it up to get even close to him. I really hope we don't end up in different kingdoms.
25. He LOVES to be outside.
26. Seth was the cutest little boy ever.
27. He has beautiful blue eyes.
28. He is very practical with money. By practical, I mean it likes to keep it and not spend it.
29. He loves exercise. He did a full Ironman when we were dating. That's over 12 hours of constant exercise. We decided to get married the weekend he did it. 30. He's going to be a really, really good dad.

IT'S A BOY!

We're having a BOY and are so so excited. We had the ultrasound today and it was so cool. Seth asked the ultrasound tech how confident he was in saying it was boy and the guy said, "Well either it's a boy or a girl with a penis." Yikes. That girl would have some serious issues. Rest assured folks, girls with weiners aren't very common. We're banking that ours is an actual boy. You can even see his little bum in one of the pictures and I've shown everyone at work today. Is that weird? I just love his bum. I'm kind of a bum person though. We saw his heart beating which was way cool and saw that he has two hands and two feet (phew). The tech said he's measuring on track and I'm still due March 8th, to the day, he said. I keep getting more and more excited as the day goes on. It feels a lot more real now. Does anyone know if with Fetal Photo you can actually see the shape of the baby's face? The ultrasound only really shows the bones, so right now his face kinda looks like Skeletor in the pics. We'll still love this little guy even if he does look like Skeletor, but I was just wondering. Seriously though, couldn't be happier. I can't wait for him to come now.

A Hike and Some Good News

A couple of weekends ago Seth and I ventured down to St. George and Zion. Zion is so beautiful and so seriously filled with Europeans. I swear the entire time we were there I rarely heard English. There were also a lot of Japanese tourists and Seth always laughs when he sees them. We were only down there for two days, but the first day we hiked the Narrows. Neither of us had done it before and it was really fun! I highly recommend doing it.

The next day I layed at the pool while Seth watched the BYU game. I came totally unprepared though, forgetting sunglasses, tanning lotion, and something to read! I didn't last very long and didn't get an speck more tan. Oh well.

Sidenote: It's kind of annoying going on trips as a couple when you are trying to take pictures. A) you have to switch off being in the picture and B) it's super awkward standing by yourself in a pic. I wonder how much it would cost to hire a professional photog to come on every vacay?

Sidenote #2: How creepy is that baby counter in the corner? It's starting to freak me out. I need to change it to something cutsier. Oh and it does not help one bit that the countdown is still in the hundreds.

AWESOME ALERT:

I haven't had a prego-puke in over a week! I threw up last week because of the flu, but still! I think I'm over the barfy bump. Hooray!

So Grateful

For this little treasure I was told about this weekend. Ever feel like blogs are a best life contest? Well Seth does. He'll love this new blog.

www.seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com

It totally made my day and I think will keep making my days.

Job A Lot

So, I've had a lot of jobs.

1. Midvale Elementary-afterschool sweeper. Sweeper is a nice way of saying cleaning urinals and vacuuming and other janitorial things.

2. Oakdale Elementary-afterschool sweeper. Loves those urinals. When do boys learn to aim?

3. The Trolley Stop-a snack shack at VF Factory stores. Lots of free nachos and ice cream for me. (although I don't think it was supposed to be free, oh well.)

4. Limited Too-little girls/tween clothing. I was holiday help. So boring. But better than my friend who worked a Hickory Farms selling logs of meat and cheese.

5. Some guy in my ward. Filed for his financial planning office. Much more boring than Limited Too. A lady named Myrna did not seem impressed by me. Prolly because I called in sick every other day. Who cared? The papers would still be there to file the next day. And the next, and the next, and the next.

6. Macaroni Grill-foodrunnner. Name should be self-explanatory. I ran food. Took food to tables. Once dumped a plate of ravioli on a guys lap. Whoops.

7. Sweet Tomatoes-greeter. I said this 70 times a day, "Hi. Welcome to Sweet Tomatoes. Is this your first time here? Well let me tell you how it works. Get a tray, get your food. Have a nice day." So much more boring than filing. I would honestly wish I would get in a car accident on my way to work so I wouldn't have to work. I think the world would survive without greeters. Oh! And I had to wear a bow-tie. There is just something REALLY humiliating about wearing a bow-tie.

8. JP Morgan Confections. A little cart kiosk at Cottonwood Mall that sold flavored popcorn and truffles during the holidays. One night I really wanted to go to a party so my mom came and worked for me! LOL.

9. Joe Morley's BBQ. I actually really loved this job. A hole in the wall BBQ restaurant in Midvale. I still crave it sometimes.

10. A survey company in Logan. Can't remember the name. Did Gallup polls over the phone. Semi-boring except when talking with evangelicals from the South.

11. Temp receptionist for Reagan Outdoor Advertising. I had literally no responsibilities except the answer the phone than rang maybe 10 times a day. Max.

12. C.R. England Trucking. Truck driver recruiter. Enough said.

13. Back to Joe Morley's-combo with C.R. England. I was a working woman.

14. MyFamily.com-tried to talk people into their membership that they were totally conned into. I was not so good at this job, I agreed, we totally should've given them their money back.

15. Goodwood BBQ. My longest job EVER. Nearly 2 1/2 years. And yes, back with the BBQ.

16. Certiport-receptionist. Phone rang even less than at Reagan.

17. Division of Child and Family Services. Working with the best of the worst in West Valley, K-Town, and T-ville. Word.

I forgot to mention a stint of temp work for 3 days which were quite possibly the most miserable three days of my life. Again it involved a bow-tie. Desperate "tie"ms call for desperate measures I guess. I was working with a whole lotta people who quite possible were on crack and/or homeless, but nevertheless served food to nearly 6,000+ Asian people at a NuSkin convention at the Salt Palace.

While this may be very impressive to all of you, I do not list all these jobs on my resume. I don't think a sweeper is very impressive, nor is it to have 16 jobs following. And no, I was never fired.

I don't know much, but I know this much...

That the Dow dropping more than 700 points is pretty bad. I know nothing about stocks except that when that number they show on the news every morning drops, it means bad news. Dropping more than 700 points - disastrous. I think when this happened right before the great depression, stock guys were jumping out of the windows on Wall Street. Not good.



As it seems we might be facing the Great Depression Part Deux, I've been thinking of some positive things about that time period.



1. Wild Heart Can't Be Broken. Remember this movie? The girl that dives horses? If we run out of jobs, maybe we can start up a horse diving business and people can pay a dime to see the show. True a dime won't even buy you a tootsie roll these days (they're 15 cents) but maybe we could put our dimes together and buy a diet pepsi and share it. Carbonation fills you up and makes you think you aren't hungry. Too bad we'd have to get about 10 dimes to buy a sodie from the Mav.

2. Going without nylons. Great! I hate them anyway!

3. Great style in clothing. People were classy. Guys wore hats and girls wore skirts. I love skirts.

4. We can all learn lots of ways to cook potatoes, since that's all we'll be able to afford to eat.

5. We all might get to fit into our skinny jeans because the price of sugar will be so high.

6. I realize now that I don't know much about this time period, but it might not be so bad. Our grandparents survived it.


Happy Recession everybody.

Pregnancy is fun...oh wait, not really.

Pregnancy is mean. At least this first part is. So, vegetables sound TOTALLY disgusting right now, especially raw ones. This has been causing Seth a lot of anxiety because he's really worried our baby is not getting enough vitamin ADEK, C, B series, Omega-3, folic acid, etc. But last night I thought Olive Garden minestrone and salad sounded delish. I was really proud of myself because I'd be eating salad all the veggies in the soup. We went, I ate. Seth got a pasta dish with shrimp which made me a little queasy but I didn't tell him because he really wanted shrimp. We ate our dinner, had nice conversation about what we would do if our hypothetical teenage daughter got knocked up, and tried to ignore our pushy waiter who kept bugging us every 3 minutes. No! I'm not done with my soup, go away! Then we left and since it was such a nice day thought we would walk around, but then I was too cold so we just walked to the car. Got in the car, Seth started to pull away from the curb.

Me: "Oh wait, stop, stop, stop."

Open car door, lean out the side. Bye bye nutritious veggies from Olive Garden and the rest of the food I ate today. Sure glad we spent $30 on puke.

Pregnancy is just mean.

Happy Birthday Fazsh!

I'm very behind on my Happy Birthday posts, I missed Seth's (how bad it that?!?) and my dad's. Here's a tribute to my dad though, only 17 days late. My dad is the King of Nicknames, so instead of posting 54 wonderful things about him, I decided to post 54 nicknames he has for people. Here we go:

1. Plum -my mom
2. Sweetin-my mom
3. Sugardee- me
4. Pete -my brother, Michael Bluth
5. Lanx -my sister, Lauren Bluth
6. Tates- my sister, Taylor Bluth
7. Dib- Steve Bluth
8. Iggingee-Kathy Wheatley
9. Nat Leatley- Natalie Wheatley
10. Cornley- John Wheatley
11. FweeBoy- Adam Bluth
12. Zimmers- Tim Bluth
13. E-Zoby- Toby Bluth
14. Lanky Logician- Amy Lam
15. Lynnwood- Lynn Coulam
16. Colby Coulam- Colby Miller
17. Robinski-Robyn Coulam
18. Coca-Coulam- Brekke Coulam
19. Megawatti- Meg Coulam Miller
20. Tyge- Tyler Bluth
21. Nurse- Mary Bluth
22. Big Al- Alan Bluth
23. Suede- Alan Bluth
24. Keepsie-Kathleen "Bonnie" Bluth (my dad's mom)
25. Garth Seth- Seth Quaely and sometimes my Seth.
26. Kelsey Grammer- Kelsey Saylor
27. Nickin- Nick Neihart
28. Wance- Lance Harrison
29. Koonkla- Jack Kunkler
30. Nogladot-me
31. K, K, K, Katie-Katie Lam
32. Kizatie- Katie Vargo
33. Macy Gray- Grace Nichols
34. Bobby Lam- Bob Lam
35. Marbs- Mary (something??)
36. Blakenship-Blake Parkinson
37. Rexer- Rex Wilcox
38. Halfi- Dave Halford
39. Squid- Steve McFarland
40. Sorence- Mike Sorenson
41. Johnson- Tom Johnson
42. Wanna- Bob Bluth
43. Stinks McDoggie- Maya-my dad's dog
44. Bird- Brent Bird
45. Patrick Me' Boy- Patrick Sadler
46. Bonnie- Kathleen Bluth (grandma)
47. Big Gordy- Gordon Bluth
48. Beave-Bryan Bluth
49. Wittle Doit Wittle- Courtney Bluth Little
50. Hey Tates Whoa Dates- my sister, Taylor Bluth
51. Stewman- Stu Petty
52. Stareci- Staci Shelton Davies
53. Stinky Stanx- my sister, Lauren Bluth
54. Mikey Chikey- my brother, Michael Bluth

...To name a few.

Happy Belated Birthday Dad! Everyone who meets you likes you instantly. You're so kind and genuine to everyone. Thanks for everything you do and all the nicknames you make up.

p.s. Fazsh is kind of a nickname from the kids to my dad. If you're ever seen Austin Powers 3 (the one with the swedish guy) you'll know where this comes from.

Merry Christmas!!

To say that Seth loves BYU football is a major understatement. He has been talking about how excited he is for "Christmas" for the past couple of weeks, and by Christmas he meant today, August 30th, the first BYU football game of the season.

Last night we were continuing to install our new floor (which by the way has not been fun and will get a post all by itself) and he was said, "This is no way to spend Christmas Eve."

Lucky for Seth, he has an All-Sports pass so he'll be able to go to every home game. I think Seth would be happy if he was homeless as long as he had BYU football.

Seth is at the game right now and I bet he has had a smile on his face the entire game. I've also made a committment to try to show more interest in football this year. I really just don't get it and think it takes too long, and it's just confusing. But, Seth has promised to help more around the house and he earns 20 minute increments of me watching football with him. He can watch all the football he wants by himself, but he said he would do stuff for me to earn me watching with him. I don't know why he wants me to like it so much, but he does.I think he's already earned a full game because of the time it's taken to install our d*** floor. I even watched about 30 minutes of the game on my own today. It wasn't too bad, I kinda knew what was happening.

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone!

Seriously.

I know a lot of my posts have been negative lately, but I just gotta.

Did I have to start work at 4:30 this morning? Yes.
Have I had to entertain a 7 year old client all day long? Yes.
Did I try to bribe him to be good with all kinds of food, treats, and drinks? Yes.
Was he with me all day because his foster parents were not able to be reached? Yes.
Did I cry when I took this kid to a surgery because when he woke up crying from the anesthesia I wished he had his mom to rub his back and not me? Yes.
Did the nurse look at me like I was crazy? Yes.
Did I care? No.
Did the kid I had to entertain watch 3 movies on my laptop while I tried to work? Yes.
Is he driving me crazy at this point? Which is 13 hours later? Yes.
Is he cute? Yes.
But could any level of cuteness prevent craziness at this point? No.
Has this kid actually done an amazing job considering he's been stuck in my office all day long? Yes.
Did I have to run out of my office suddenly because pregnancy called and made me throw up every item I ingested today? Yes.
Do I feel like crying because I am so tired? Yes.
Have a listed enough things to complain about? Yes.
Was this enjoyable to read? No.
Am I sorry for doing yes another negative post? Yes. Sorry.
Are the foster parents ever going to come get him? Yes. in 10 minutes. Hallelujah!!!!

Nostalgic

Is it weird that last night at the grocery store that I got nostalgic for elementary school as I walked down the school supplies isle? I was shopping for cleaning supplies that we have been seriously out of and our place is seriously dirty, and I wished I was buying a brand new 64 crayon Crayola box and picking out notebooks and mechanical pencils. The beginning of a new school year was always so exciting and so fun. I still remember getting so excited to wear my brand new, just pulled out of the box, Dr. Marten shoes and thinking I was looking so fly.

I guess getting new pens and post-its from the supply closet is kinda like getting new school supplies. But not really.

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage...

Then comes a baby in a baby carriage.

Baby Herway is set to grace our presence on March 8th, 2009!

Dear Universe,

Do you hate me today? Because nothing, and I mean nothing, is going right at work today. I don't mean just not going right, but turning into COMPLETE DISASTERS! D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.S. Please throw me a bone, I'm dying here.

-Heidi

p.s. Usually on days like this I call up Seth on my way home from work and ask him to meet me at Cafe Rio. Barbacoa Pork somehow always lifts my spirits.

Why Not

Tagged.

3 joys. Seth. Family. Friends
3 fears. Fish. Someone I love dying. My work finding out how much time I waste online.
3 goals. Waste less time. Complete a triathalon this year(really hard to do with the fishy fear). Redecorate our condo.
3 current obsessions. Jon and Kate Plus 8. Blogs. Sleeping. I love it.

Whoa. I am lazy.