For the record, I love these boys.

Visiting Seth at work a few Sundays ago. Taft and Luke working in the on-call room. Taft is very busy as you can see. 

Seth has been on a very busy rotation these last few weeks which have given me even more quality time with the boysies. There were two days right before New Years when I thought I might lose my mind, but for the most part the boys and I have been enjoying the extra company from one another. Seth's been working all day today, and will continue through tonight and won't be home until tomorrow afternoon. I don't know why, but when Seth is gone overnight I tend to stay up late and as I'm trying to fall asleep I start playing out "Worse Case Scenarios" in my head and get really worked up about hypothetical tragedies. It's totally crazy, but I've been doing it since I was a kid. As far back as I can remember, probably around 7 years old I would worry about my parents dying. I would be hysterical thinking that I, a 7 year old girl, was now going to have to raise my younger siblings. The Boxcar Children books terrified me. I think most kids thought it'd be cool to live with their siblings in a Boxcar, no parents-no rules, but it was my worst nightmare. In 6th grade we read a book called, "The Girl Who Owned a City" which was about a plague that killed everyone over the age of 12. I had nightmares for months.

A while back I came across this blog. I read it for over an hour one night when Seth was working and cried and cried. This family lost their baby girl a few months ago after needing a kidney transplant. The baby girl's birthday is just a few days after Lukie's so she would have just turned a year too. It's just so heartbreaking. I can only begin to imagine the mom's pain and even that is too much to bear. I checked in on the blog tonight and it got me thinking about my little boysies and how much I love them and am glad to be their mom. A few nights ago Seth checked on the boys before we went to bed and took a short video of them sleeping. It's only about 10 seconds long, but I know when we watch it, even a year from now, we'll gasp at how small they were and wish we could go back in time. I don't think Seth and I have ever gone to bed without talking about how much we love our boys and what cute things they did that day (as well as the frustrating moments). We talk about how fast the time is already going and how sad it is. It's so fun to see them grow and learn new things, but I love the stages they're in. I love that Taft thinks Seth is the absolute coolest and funniest person on the planet. I love the Lukie wants me and leans toward me whenever anyone else is holding him. I love that when I give Taft choices he puts his hand on his chin and in an exasperated voice says, "I can't choose." I love that Taft will voluntarily hug us and say, "Awww, big hug." Sometimes when I think about how much I love our boys, my heart feels so full, like it might burst.

The other day Taft and Luke were playing really well together. They made every room they went into a complete disaster, but I didn't even care because they were playing together and nobody was crying. This morning we dropped Seth off at work. As we were driving away Luke started to cry and Taft said, "It's okay Yuke. Dad will be home really soon." Sometimes Taft will pat Luke on the back really hard, several times and say "Good job Yuke! Good job buddy! Best Friends!"

I'm glad I get to stay home and see all the little things they do during the day. It can be so tiring and at times so frustrating. Taft likes to remind me to not  be "cross" when my voice starts to be less than cheerful. He learned the word "cross" from Thomas the Train. Sir Topam Hat gets cross very often. However, I wouldn't trade being home all day, every day with them for anything, EVER, in the entire universe.

Anyway, I'm just so grateful for my sweet, cute, crazy boys. I'm grateful for their personalities, for their spirits, for their health, and just that they're here and I can hold them whenever I want. Mmmm...I just love these boys.